


Immortality

by Just_your_average_human_being



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gang Rape, Multi, Self-Harm, but comes back, the main character dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22227559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_your_average_human_being/pseuds/Just_your_average_human_being
Summary: Abandoned project of mine. Don't know what else to do with it.
Kudos: 2





	Immortality

Sometimes I wonder if other people see the world the way I do. Cold, bleak, and absence of sound. Without hearing my brothers and sister, everything felt silent and dark. It was lonely and unbearably quiet. 

Sadly I ruined any chance with them on that fateful day, my rebellion. My scorn and hatred turned against me and my eldest brother was forced to kill me for my sins.

However he, and I to a degree, was not aware on what father had in store. I had awakened as an immortal man, forced to lived alongside humans and cut off from my siblings.

I don't think any of us was prepared for the internal problems I faced. I cried for a month straight, unable to deal with being cut off from everyone. I begged for my father, sobbed myself to sleep when he never answered me.

I have learned to cope with it, the sense that I didn't belong and the hopelessness remained, but I could ignore it for the most part.

I don't know where in the timeline I was reborn in, but I know that almost everyone communicated through tiny deceives without a care in the world. It was alienating and I could barely deal with it.

Now however? I fit in, I don't look any different than the average person.

So why does it feel wrong, why does it feel like I shouldn't be here? Those questions plagued me to no end, finally I had to do something.

I am not proud to say that I bashed my skull against a wall until one of my siblings had to stop and heal me, but I couldn't deal with this loss of purpose, the lost of a reason for existing. How could humans spend their entire life not knowing why father put them on this earth? 

Michael soon started to keep a watchful eye over me, making sure I wouldn't do something like that again. Little miracles surrounded me, as the humans said. Narrowly avoiding being hit by a drunk, the cops just right there when being robbed.

I knew the truth, Michael just wanted to watch me suffer through my immortality, probably teasing me at every step.

I am sure father did this to make me understand and love humanity, but anger just swept through me, I was worthless, there was no value to my existence.

And maybe there never was. Maybe I'd fooled myself into believing I was worth something, that I had a purpose and that there was a reason I existed.

So I walked to the pier, staring into the water, a small, glass bottle in hand and tossed it in, letting out those feelings of absolute worthlessness and throwing it away.

It didn't help, but there was a sense of control I never felt before, to toss out this paper with my darkest thoughts.

I turned to fire, writing papers upon papers of memories of the past and I burned them, watched them turn to ash and I felt happy, there was a sense of relief as I watched it all burn away, as it all became as useless as me.

And as time went on, humans also became obsolete, I stopped caring about them, I stopped caring about anything, including myself. 

As time continued on wards, I left behind society, humans, angels, everything. I wandered from place to place, a nameless man with nothing to him. I would never be a part of humans, nor could I return to my brothers and sisters in heaven. I was alone.

And I learned to accept that, maybe I was always meant to be. 

It came suddenly, sliding through my skin like it was meant to, right on my right hip, finally Michael had stopped watching me like a hawk had crossed my mind, but that dissolved into fear as I was pressed against an old broken down car in the middle of a desolate street.

There was no knight in shiny armor to save me, no one to stop this. I couldn't be bothered to fight against it, to try and get away.

They left me for dead once they finished, laughing among each other about their actions, calling me every name under the sun. Most surrounded the event that just occurred and other things.

They were college students, one wore a jacket with their logo and there was other people I didn't see before, females, laughing and cheering the boys on.

And yet they still hold a special place in father's heart, despite what they have done with their free will, how they have abused it, father still holds them above all else.

Maybe it's that favoritism that lead to father turning a blind eye towards there action, he certainly did it with me. 

I mulled over that thought in particular, was all my actions at least loosely tied back to my father's lack of disciple of me? Was I the product of poor parenting?

Being left alone with my thoughts, I discovered, was detrimental to my health. Anxiety and panic grew, bubbling up in my throat til I couldn't hold it back. I cried, calling out my forgiveness, my want to repent and redeem myself of my crimes, curled up as best I could on the long, desolate road. 

Once more desperate, I reached and grabbed one of the broken chunks of glass beside me. With shaking hands that bleed against the sharp corners, I dug it into my arm, muttering prayers of forgiveness, pleading for salvation for my sins.

As before, one of the angels made their way down to heal me. However the encounter had left me with wounds that were deeper than skin, scarred to the very core of my being, I live in shame of what has defiled me. 

Michael was once more following my every step, no longer as subtle as the first time. Anyone who dared tried to take advantage of me again was found dead where they stood, I stopped caring, let Michael play the hero, let him pretend he's still the good son.

I stopped wandering, instead settling down in a small abandoned town. I didn't want to encounter people anymore and just wanted Michael off my back again, he got frustrating real quick. 

I holed up in a decaying mansion, living in the basement away from the sun and humans. 

Isolation wasn't something I took well, sometimes just not doing anything for days as I fought the urge to rejoin society, to pretend I belonged somewhere.

Michael's leave was only temporarily this time, only for a few months in human calculations, mere hours in that of an angel's. That didn't stop it from happening.

They were teenagers, drunk off their heads and lost, all athletes, I couldn't win a fight against them if I tried, not with the way I neglected my functions.

They probably wouldn't ever remember that night, so drunk that they never realized the person below them wasn't someone they knew. 

It was sloppy, uncoordinated and painful, some went too fast, others too slow, but all in all, I didn't stop them. Why should I, if father turned a blind eye, why shouldn't I?

Michael returned to the sight of me pinned down and taken by the teenagers, he smote them all, leaving nothing but ashes in his wake as I watched. There was no real point, it wasn't like they hurt anyone of value.

"Why do you let this happen? Why don't you fight against it?" I only faintly registered my brother's voice, it was choked with tears as he leaned against my bed. "What happened to the brilliant, shiny morning star that was once my brother? What has happened to you?"

"He died." I simply stated, it felt odd, dissociating myself with the morning star, I was long striped of that titled, it was no longer who I am. "Besides, if it really mattered what happened to me, then would father not intervene? Would he not stop the crime? Why should I care when I am so insignificant in this world? Michael, I don't think you realize, this is my punishment, I'm supposed to suffer, so this is supposed to happen to me." 

I nearly burst into tears when Michael hugged me, twitching against his hold. Without the feeling of touch for so long, I was overwhelmed and began to whimper.

I did cry when he started to mumble softy in my ear, reassuring me that I was still an angel, that this punishment didn't condone those deeds. He let me cry, something I haven't done since my first month as an immortal man, telling me everything will be all right.

Like I could trust that he was once so willing to kill me and yet now he claims that we can work through this? How can I trust his words? However, I numbly nodded, weariness settled deep in my bones and I laid my head against his chest, hoping for once I didn't wake up with memories of the past.

I started going back outside, tending to the overgrown fields that now made up most of the ghost town. The refusal to join society still burrowed it way deep inside of me, but the need to die faded away. Instead in its place, grew a love for the earth surrounding me, for what I could grow.

Michael still hid in the shadows, silently watching me, a constant reminder that I don't truly belong here. But I don't belong anywhere, I no longer have a place in this world.

Over the years I have built up a stable little farm in the ruins of the town, peacefully living with my gardens and livestock. I gained companions in other animals, mostly that of birds of flight, but occasionally I had a cat of a dog. Michael would no longer hid in the corner, invisible to the human eye, but instead would join me out by the fire and we would talk.

He kept me up to date with heaven, not that it mattered anymore, I had lost my chance at being a holy angel and must now make my way as an immortal. What went on with the angels did not mean anything to me, as I meant nothing to them.

Out of necessity, I cut off my hair. Before I let it grow wild and untamed, but as time moved on, I could no longer maintain it at such a long length. I never cut it higher than my shoulders, enjoying the feeling of tying it behind my back every morning.

Of course, it seems nothing gold can stay with me. 

It was a young man, with cold eyes, this time. Unlike my first two encounters with demented humans, I wasn't pinned down and used. Instead he beat me with a small metal wench and tied me down in one of the still unused houses. 

Fear actually pumped through me for once, freezing me in place as he threw a strong smelling liquid over me.

Then, an inferno erupted, I was quickly holed in by walls of fire. It ate everything in it's path, leaving behind a horrific sight. I could feel my skin bubble and melt under the heat, my wrist being scalded by the metal shackles. Smoke filled my lungs and I was scared that my immortality would fail me and I would die tonight.

Michael hasn't returned yet, still up in heaven for the yearly check up as I burn. I could see the bones in places where skin has completely melted away. Hope of being saved faded away as the logs crashed down on top of me, crushing me under it weight.

I awoke next to a river, a pair of white wings surrounding me and their owners pressed into my back.

"I'm sorry." Michael whispered, voice cracking. "I should have gotten there sooner."

"There's no need to apologize, it isn't you fault I met up with a pyromaniac." I replied, gripping his hand. "Besides, you still came, you still saved me." A few stray tears made their way down my face, he still came for me, despite all I have done, despite the crimes I have committed. He still came for me, he still helped me.

"I will always come rescue you, my dear brother." I let out a full on sob at that, he still considered me his brother despite this all. I was still his brother in his eyes.

There was something clutching at my heart, squeezing it until it hurt and crying became painful. Michael held me the entire time, reassuring me things will be okay.

But they won't, I have since accepted that I'll never actually have a place to belong to, I'll never truly be either human or angel.

I think God's cruelest trick was making me immortal in this life.

Everything has returned to a dull numbness, filled with nothing but a lingering loneliness. Michael had to return to heaven on God's orders for something important, I was left alone.

Without someone by my side, I returned to apathy, taking to some extreme solutions, just to feel something other than nothing. Once more I was sickly, unable to move from my spot as the days passed.

Hollow and alone, that was it, there was nothing else about me.

Finally, with great difficulty and with pain latched onto me, I walked to the river I last saw Michael. It was a deep one, with rushing waves and all kinds of things to slam into.

I let myself fall into the river, letting myself hit every single rock and tree limb that I came into. It wouldn't last, I would heal, like I did before when letting the river claim me as it's prey, but the momentary relief of just pure pain and nearing death was enough to drive me back to fall once more into its jaws and be swept away.

I never reached the shore this time, trapped underneath a fallen rock by the hem of my shirt, water filled my lungs as I breathe, death wouldn't come, I had learned that long ago, no matter what, I was bound to immortality, nothing could kill me so far.

Something was off this time, my vision kept fading in and out, it became harder to focus, I actually felt afraid of dying.

And with that fear came a giddy sense of glee, I was actually scared for once, pure, genuine terror deep in my bones. I was scared and excited, wondering when it will be over, when the rock will be launched out of place or my shirt will tear or another rock will slam into me.

None of that happened, instead I was surrounded by white and pulled out of the water. Has Michael returned? It felt like it, with the attention being showered on me, but at the same time, the white never ceased, still surrounding me.

I woke up in a hospital, strapped to a bed and with a stranger beside me, mumbling something as tears made their way down her face.

"Hi." I croaked out, smiling at the lady. Her gasped was off putting, it wasn't like it was possible for me to die.

Then it hit me, they didn't know I was immortal and would be concerned about my well being. I guess that makes sense, if things were reversed, I probably would.

"Thank God you're alive." The woman cried, standing to alert the nurse, I think. I wasn't sure since I have never been in a hospital.


End file.
